By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry tells us that children of divorce do best when both of their parents continue to be actively involved in their lives. It’s the ongoing connection that makes the positive difference for these children, minimizing the fact that their parents no longer live together.
That’s why co-parenting is so universally encouraged after divorce as a significant way to reduce the long-term emotional impact on children. Co-parenting styles and arrangements can differ widely from family to family to suit their individual needs. However, most all professionals agree that co-parenting will only succeed if some basic agreements are made and kept and significant mistakes are avoided. Here are some good rules to follow:
1. Don’t deny your child personal time with both of their parents.
If you want your child to weather the challenges that come with divorce and disruption of the family dynamic, allow him/her as much time as possible with both you and your ex. Your child will thank you, have fewer behavioral problems, and grow up happier and emotionally healthier when you honor their love for both of their parents.
2. Don’t argue or have tantrums around your child.
Be a positive role model for your child by exhibiting mature behavior. If you have issues, gripes or reason for angry words with your co-parent, plan a private time alone, far from your child’s eyes and ears, for those conversations. The consequences when you do otherwise will be significant and long-lasting.
3. Don’t make your child your confident – or friend!
It’s hard enough for adults to unravel the complex emotions connected to divorce. Think of how unfair it is to expect your child to bear those burdens on your behalf. You rob your kids of their childhood when you confide or share your feelings about your ex with them – especially when you’re trying to influence them in your direction. Need to rant and vent about your ex? Do it with a friend – or better yet, a professional with an objective ear.
4. Don’t make your child the messenger.
When you have issues to discuss, discuss them directly, not through your children. Not only can the kids mess up the messages, they can also intentionally change the messages due to guilt, anxiety, fear, resentment and other emotions related to protecting one or both parents. This is a big no-no that can lead to no good.
5. Don’t think like a sole parent; you’re part of a parenting team.
When you were married you were one of two parents. You still are. When parenting issues come up, ask yourself what would I do as a parent if I weren’t divorced? If that still makes sense, respond accordingly. You’re a parent first and a divorcee second. Parents who continue parenting as a team create an easier transition and better post-divorce adjustments for their child.
6. Don’t be rigid – flexibility is fruitful.
Every time you bend, go with the flow, compromise and cooperate with your co-parent you model the kind of behaviors that benefit both of you in the long-term. Flexibility reduces defensiveness and builds bridges toward better parenting solutions. Remember, every time you forgive and indulge irritating behavior without creating an issue, you are doing it to make life easier for your child. Isn’t he or she worth it?
7. Don’t exclude the other parent whenever you have a choice.
Even when you are the primary residential parent that doesn’t mean your ex can’t be included in special occasion celebrations, school activities, sports and other events in your child’s life. Think about how pleased your child will be having both Mom and Dad on hand to enjoy significant moments in their life. When it makes sense for both parents to be together on behalf of your child, be cordial and mature. This lifts an enormous weight off your child’s shoulders. They’ll thank you when they are grown.
Sometimes it helps to think about co-parenting as a business relationship that has to work. You make accommodations on behalf of your partner for the higher cause of business success. This can be a valuable perspective for co-parents after divorce. When you put all your efforts into making it work, your children reap the rewards. Isn’t that a bottom line result worth your commitment and attention?
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! She is also the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. For more information about the book, Rosalind’s free articles, free ezine and other parenting resources, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Children Parenting their Parents – a Dangerous Consequence of Divorce
Divorce is tough enough. When children try to protect their parents from its consequences, the parenting is moving backwards and the results are devastating. Always be careful of what you share with your children regarding your own emotional state during and after your divorce. It can create enormous confusion for your children, along with guilt, frustration and despair.
Children who experience their parents divorce are helpless to change the circumstances. But they often try. They want to do something to “fix” the situation, but they haven’t a clue how.
Sometimes they create solutions that make sense in their young minds, but actually cause greater complications. That’s why it‘s so important for parents to take the emotional burden off of the shoulders of their children. Reassure them that Mom and Dad are still their parents and will continue to be there for them with compassion and love. Tell them they need not worry … and remind them that none of this is in any way their fault or responsibility.
Children can be very resourceful in how they behave when they sense either one of their parents is vulnerable or hurting. Often they will side with one parent over the other as a means of support. They may fear that expressing happiness about time spent with one parent can seem like a betrayal of the other. They worry about hurting the feelings of the emotionally weaker parent – or experiencing the disapproval of the emotionally stronger parent. Either way, it’s a lose/lose situation for the child who feels caught in the middle.
Parents are not always aware of how children interpret their comments or emotional displays. If a parent confides to a child that they are very lonely when he or she is with their other parent, it frequently creates a need to “protect” the sad parent. So the child may elaborate on the truth by telling you what they think you want to hear. “I miss you too. I wish I could always be with you. If I didn’t have to stay with Mom/Dad I’d never be there.”
These small white lies can grow into larger stories – even outrageous lies – with the intent of protecting one or both parents. It can also become a vehicle for pitting both parents against one another. Children easily sense when they can manipulate their circumstances – and their emotionally vulnerable parents. This becomes even easier and more tempting when the parents are not speaking to one another or co-parenting cooperatively. The result can be devastating for everyone in the family – each pointing the finger at the other in blame.
When parents are too caught up in their own self-righteous dramas to put their children’s needs first, those children have little recourse but to start parenting themselves. The consequences for the children can take many directions: a sense of mistrust of adults, guilt about knowing they are exploiting their circumstances and deep insecurity because their world is no longer safely guided by parental boundaries. The responsibility here must always fall upon the parents – not the innocent children who are trying to cope with an adult-made situation beyond their control.
Communication is the key to avoiding these complex backward parenting situations. Talk to your children about divorce-related issues as a parent, not a confident. Remember that your former spouse is also a parent that your children love. If your communication with that parent is poor or limited, you are setting your children up for compensating in any way they can – with guilt, frustration, confusion, shame, anger – even revenge -- as the motive.
When you accept responsibility for creating a Child-Centered Divorce and co-parent in the best way for your children’s well-being, they will feel more secure, stable, loved, protected and supported. That gives them permission to continue being children without bearing the burden of having to parent their parents after divorce.
Do you want your divorce to rob your children of their right to enjoy their childhood? Of course not! Then understand the serious consequences of backward parenting and communicate mindfully and responsibly when discussing divorce or related family issues with the children you love.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more information about the book, Rosalind’s free articles and free ezine visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Children who experience their parents divorce are helpless to change the circumstances. But they often try. They want to do something to “fix” the situation, but they haven’t a clue how.
Sometimes they create solutions that make sense in their young minds, but actually cause greater complications. That’s why it‘s so important for parents to take the emotional burden off of the shoulders of their children. Reassure them that Mom and Dad are still their parents and will continue to be there for them with compassion and love. Tell them they need not worry … and remind them that none of this is in any way their fault or responsibility.
Children can be very resourceful in how they behave when they sense either one of their parents is vulnerable or hurting. Often they will side with one parent over the other as a means of support. They may fear that expressing happiness about time spent with one parent can seem like a betrayal of the other. They worry about hurting the feelings of the emotionally weaker parent – or experiencing the disapproval of the emotionally stronger parent. Either way, it’s a lose/lose situation for the child who feels caught in the middle.
Parents are not always aware of how children interpret their comments or emotional displays. If a parent confides to a child that they are very lonely when he or she is with their other parent, it frequently creates a need to “protect” the sad parent. So the child may elaborate on the truth by telling you what they think you want to hear. “I miss you too. I wish I could always be with you. If I didn’t have to stay with Mom/Dad I’d never be there.”
These small white lies can grow into larger stories – even outrageous lies – with the intent of protecting one or both parents. It can also become a vehicle for pitting both parents against one another. Children easily sense when they can manipulate their circumstances – and their emotionally vulnerable parents. This becomes even easier and more tempting when the parents are not speaking to one another or co-parenting cooperatively. The result can be devastating for everyone in the family – each pointing the finger at the other in blame.
When parents are too caught up in their own self-righteous dramas to put their children’s needs first, those children have little recourse but to start parenting themselves. The consequences for the children can take many directions: a sense of mistrust of adults, guilt about knowing they are exploiting their circumstances and deep insecurity because their world is no longer safely guided by parental boundaries. The responsibility here must always fall upon the parents – not the innocent children who are trying to cope with an adult-made situation beyond their control.
Communication is the key to avoiding these complex backward parenting situations. Talk to your children about divorce-related issues as a parent, not a confident. Remember that your former spouse is also a parent that your children love. If your communication with that parent is poor or limited, you are setting your children up for compensating in any way they can – with guilt, frustration, confusion, shame, anger – even revenge -- as the motive.
When you accept responsibility for creating a Child-Centered Divorce and co-parent in the best way for your children’s well-being, they will feel more secure, stable, loved, protected and supported. That gives them permission to continue being children without bearing the burden of having to parent their parents after divorce.
Do you want your divorce to rob your children of their right to enjoy their childhood? Of course not! Then understand the serious consequences of backward parenting and communicate mindfully and responsibly when discussing divorce or related family issues with the children you love.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more information about the book, Rosalind’s free articles and free ezine visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Marriage, Divorce and the Economy: No Excuse for Irresponsible Parenting
Is our down-turned economy having an effect on divorce around the world? While it’s too early for statistical evidence, reports from marriage counselors and divorce attorneys across the globe are in agreement. They’re finding many couples who were ready to call it quits are post- posting the divorce decision due to financial reasons. In the U.S., with housing values at near-record lows, wide-ranging cuts in salaries and a dramatic rise in unemployment rates, many couples are just not divorcing because they are afraid they can’t afford it.
Does this mean couples are finding new ways to get along and reconsider their marriages? In some cases, yes, but for many it just means adapting to continued states of unhappiness and coping with disappointment and frustration. This, of course, does not bear well for the children of these unions. They experience the negative consequences of a distressed marriage whether the couple splits up or chooses to stay together because of economic factors.
Too many couples are financially dependent on one another to make a break, but at the same time they have lost their emotional interdependence which helps a couple thrive during outside challenges. Without the affection and emotional connection, these couples are basically roommates sharing a home and living expenses.
The problem is that they are also parents of children who may be even more confused than ever about life at home. Mom and Dad are still married and together – but are they? This is a big concern for therapists, school guidance counselors, clergy and others who understand children’s emotional and psychological needs during times of high stress.
In the past it was common for divorce rates to spike during times of financial insecurity. Back in the recession of 1997 the divorce rate rose close to 20%. However, economists note that during real tough times, such as the Great Depression in the early 1930s, divorce rates do decline because people can’t afford the luxury of splitting into two separate homes.
There are no clear resolutions for today’s economic crisis or for parents caught up in the whirlwind around the divorce decision. However, staying together in a marriage that continues in “form” only can be a damaging situation for the children. That’s because those marriages often fail to focus on the emotional safety and security factors that children need in order to thrive, feel self- confident and express themselves.
Parents -- whatever you do, stop and ask yourself some fundamental questions before moving ahead whether in – or out – of the marriage:
· Despite economic stress are we taking the time to give our children the loving attention they deserve?
· Are we as parents providing a loving environment for our children – whether we share the same residence or two separate abodes?
· Are we providing the nurturing, values and personal time we want to instill in our children despite our own challenges as adults?
· Are we creating family time rituals with one or both parents so our children feel that we still are a “family” regardless of the form it takes?
· Should we be seeking outside professional help to make sure our children are feeling safe, secure, loved and peaceful in their home environment(s)?
· Are we being honest with our children about our circumstances without confiding adult details to them that would be confusing and burdensome for them at their age?
· Are we restraining from arguing, badmouthing each other, creating tension, bitterness, sarcasm or other negativity when the children are present?
· Are we reminding our children how much we love them and will continue to love them regardless of changes in where and how we live?
How you answer these questions will determine the quality of life your children experience – whether they are residing in one residence or two. Always remember, you are parents first – and a couple struggling with marital or divorce issues second. Isn’t that the way it should be?
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca’s Child-Centered Divorce Network provides numerous free articles, an ezine and other valuable resources for parents at www.childcentereddivorce.com, Her new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is also available at www.howdoitellthekids.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Does this mean couples are finding new ways to get along and reconsider their marriages? In some cases, yes, but for many it just means adapting to continued states of unhappiness and coping with disappointment and frustration. This, of course, does not bear well for the children of these unions. They experience the negative consequences of a distressed marriage whether the couple splits up or chooses to stay together because of economic factors.
Too many couples are financially dependent on one another to make a break, but at the same time they have lost their emotional interdependence which helps a couple thrive during outside challenges. Without the affection and emotional connection, these couples are basically roommates sharing a home and living expenses.
The problem is that they are also parents of children who may be even more confused than ever about life at home. Mom and Dad are still married and together – but are they? This is a big concern for therapists, school guidance counselors, clergy and others who understand children’s emotional and psychological needs during times of high stress.
In the past it was common for divorce rates to spike during times of financial insecurity. Back in the recession of 1997 the divorce rate rose close to 20%. However, economists note that during real tough times, such as the Great Depression in the early 1930s, divorce rates do decline because people can’t afford the luxury of splitting into two separate homes.
There are no clear resolutions for today’s economic crisis or for parents caught up in the whirlwind around the divorce decision. However, staying together in a marriage that continues in “form” only can be a damaging situation for the children. That’s because those marriages often fail to focus on the emotional safety and security factors that children need in order to thrive, feel self- confident and express themselves.
Parents -- whatever you do, stop and ask yourself some fundamental questions before moving ahead whether in – or out – of the marriage:
· Despite economic stress are we taking the time to give our children the loving attention they deserve?
· Are we as parents providing a loving environment for our children – whether we share the same residence or two separate abodes?
· Are we providing the nurturing, values and personal time we want to instill in our children despite our own challenges as adults?
· Are we creating family time rituals with one or both parents so our children feel that we still are a “family” regardless of the form it takes?
· Should we be seeking outside professional help to make sure our children are feeling safe, secure, loved and peaceful in their home environment(s)?
· Are we being honest with our children about our circumstances without confiding adult details to them that would be confusing and burdensome for them at their age?
· Are we restraining from arguing, badmouthing each other, creating tension, bitterness, sarcasm or other negativity when the children are present?
· Are we reminding our children how much we love them and will continue to love them regardless of changes in where and how we live?
How you answer these questions will determine the quality of life your children experience – whether they are residing in one residence or two. Always remember, you are parents first – and a couple struggling with marital or divorce issues second. Isn’t that the way it should be?
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca’s Child-Centered Divorce Network provides numerous free articles, an ezine and other valuable resources for parents at www.childcentereddivorce.com, Her new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is also available at www.howdoitellthekids.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Divorce Alert: Bashing Your Ex is Bad News for Your Children!
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems.
We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way.
When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part of them. When both parents are guilty of this behavior, it can create a sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem. “Something’s wrong with me” becomes the child’s unconscious belief.
I know it’s challenging some times not to criticize your ex, especially when you feel totally justified in doing so. Find a friend or therapist to vent to. Don’t do it around your children. And, whenever possible, find some good things to say about their other parent – or hold your tongue.
The lesson here is simple. Destructive comments about your ex can impact your children in many negative ways. It creates anxiety and insecurity. It raises their level of fear. It makes them question how much they can trust you and your opinions – or trust themselves. And it adds a level of unhappiness into their lives that they do not need … or deserve!
When you have a problem with your ex, take it directly to them – and not to or through the children. Don’t exploit a difficult relationship, or difference of opinion with your ex, by editorializing about him or her to the kids. It’s easy to slip – especially when your frustration level is mounting.
Listen to and monitor your comments to the children about their other parent.
· Are you hearing yourself say: “Sounds like you picked that up from your Dad/Mom.”
· Do you make a negative retort about their behavior and end it with “just like your father/mother.”
· Do you frequently compare your ex with other divorced parents you know making sure the kids get the negative judgment?
· Do you counter every positive comment your child makes about your ex with, “Yeah, but …” and finish it with a downer?
· Do you make your children feel guilty for having had fun visiting the other parent or liking something in their home?
· Do you throw around biting statements like “If Mom/Dad really loved you …”
· Do you try to frighten or intimidate your kids during a disagreement by saying “If you don’t like it here, then go live with your Mom/Dad?
It’s easy to fall into these behavior patterns – and they can effectively manipulate your children’s behavior – for the short-term. But in the long run you will be slowly eroding your personal relationship with the children you love and alienating their affection. This will bite you back in the years to come, especially as your children move into and through their teens.
As a parent you want to raise children with a healthy sense of self-worth. You want children who are trusting and trust-worthy ,,, who are open to creating loving relationships in their lives. It’s not divorce per se that emotionally scars children. It’s how you, as a parent, model your behavior before, during and after your divorce. If you model maturity, dignity and integrity whenever challenges occur, that’s what your children will see and the path they will take in their own relationships. You can’t make life choices for them, but you sure can influence their choices and perceptions about the world when they are young and vulnerable!
Minding your tongue around your children can be one of the most difficult behaviors to master after a divorce. It is also one of the behaviors that will reap the greatest rewards in the well-being of your family. Don’t let anger, bitterness and indiscriminate remarks affect and harm your children. Keep a “conscious” diligence on your commentary and your ex is more likely to follow suit, as well. If he or she doesn’t, your kids will naturally pick up on the different energy and gravitate toward the parent taking the high road. Ultimately that parent will win their respect and admiration. Shouldn’t that be you?
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!. For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems.
We have all heard this, but it’s easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way.
When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part of them. When both parents are guilty of this behavior, it can create a sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem. “Something’s wrong with me” becomes the child’s unconscious belief.
I know it’s challenging some times not to criticize your ex, especially when you feel totally justified in doing so. Find a friend or therapist to vent to. Don’t do it around your children. And, whenever possible, find some good things to say about their other parent – or hold your tongue.
The lesson here is simple. Destructive comments about your ex can impact your children in many negative ways. It creates anxiety and insecurity. It raises their level of fear. It makes them question how much they can trust you and your opinions – or trust themselves. And it adds a level of unhappiness into their lives that they do not need … or deserve!
When you have a problem with your ex, take it directly to them – and not to or through the children. Don’t exploit a difficult relationship, or difference of opinion with your ex, by editorializing about him or her to the kids. It’s easy to slip – especially when your frustration level is mounting.
Listen to and monitor your comments to the children about their other parent.
· Are you hearing yourself say: “Sounds like you picked that up from your Dad/Mom.”
· Do you make a negative retort about their behavior and end it with “just like your father/mother.”
· Do you frequently compare your ex with other divorced parents you know making sure the kids get the negative judgment?
· Do you counter every positive comment your child makes about your ex with, “Yeah, but …” and finish it with a downer?
· Do you make your children feel guilty for having had fun visiting the other parent or liking something in their home?
· Do you throw around biting statements like “If Mom/Dad really loved you …”
· Do you try to frighten or intimidate your kids during a disagreement by saying “If you don’t like it here, then go live with your Mom/Dad?
It’s easy to fall into these behavior patterns – and they can effectively manipulate your children’s behavior – for the short-term. But in the long run you will be slowly eroding your personal relationship with the children you love and alienating their affection. This will bite you back in the years to come, especially as your children move into and through their teens.
As a parent you want to raise children with a healthy sense of self-worth. You want children who are trusting and trust-worthy ,,, who are open to creating loving relationships in their lives. It’s not divorce per se that emotionally scars children. It’s how you, as a parent, model your behavior before, during and after your divorce. If you model maturity, dignity and integrity whenever challenges occur, that’s what your children will see and the path they will take in their own relationships. You can’t make life choices for them, but you sure can influence their choices and perceptions about the world when they are young and vulnerable!
Minding your tongue around your children can be one of the most difficult behaviors to master after a divorce. It is also one of the behaviors that will reap the greatest rewards in the well-being of your family. Don’t let anger, bitterness and indiscriminate remarks affect and harm your children. Keep a “conscious” diligence on your commentary and your ex is more likely to follow suit, as well. If he or she doesn’t, your kids will naturally pick up on the different energy and gravitate toward the parent taking the high road. Ultimately that parent will win their respect and admiration. Shouldn’t that be you?
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!. For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
Monday, December 29, 2008
New Child-Centered Divorce Telephone Group
Just two spots remaining for
Rosalind Sedacca’s new 2009
Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program
Response to my new Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program has been amazing. I’m busily planning the two groups now and have some additional bonuses on tap for each of our participants!
However, there are only two spots remaining for Group 1: Creating the Child-Centered Divorce Experience, designed especially for those of you facing, moving through or recently divorced.
Group 2: Success Strategies for Maintaining a Child-Centered Divorce, will be slightly larger. At this point there are possibly three spots available for this post-divorce parenting group focused on those divorced for more than six months. Even if you’ve been divorced for six years you’ll find valuable information in this program that will benefit everyone in the family.
Rosalind Sedacca’s new 2009
Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program
Response to my new Child-Centered Divorce Group Coaching Program has been amazing. I’m busily planning the two groups now and have some additional bonuses on tap for each of our participants!
However, there are only two spots remaining for Group 1: Creating the Child-Centered Divorce Experience, designed especially for those of you facing, moving through or recently divorced.
Group 2: Success Strategies for Maintaining a Child-Centered Divorce, will be slightly larger. At this point there are possibly three spots available for this post-divorce parenting group focused on those divorced for more than six months. Even if you’ve been divorced for six years you’ll find valuable information in this program that will benefit everyone in the family.
Here’s how it will work:
· Each group will meet every other week for three months, via teleconference, for one hour, to discuss key principles and strategies that will help you emotionally as well as physically get through your days with a better attitude, more ease and enhanced communication skills (to use with both the children and your former spouse.)
· In every session we will explore a new topic to help you move through challenges to a place of confidence and empowerment when dealing with personal and family issues.
· BONUS: I have also planned an additional call with a special Monthly Guest Expert who will share their expertise on topics of crucial importance to you and answer your questions.
· All calls will be recorded so if you miss any sessions you will be able to listen at your convenience – or review a call whenever you choose.
· Each participant will have access to a Child-Centered Divorce Forum where you can share experiences, support and insights.
· All materials are included in the program.
· The low cost is only $50 per month!
My goal is to support you in taking positive steps toward experiencing a Child-Centered Divorce that will enhance your life and tangibly benefit you and your children!
Working together as a group -- sharing experiences, emotions, challenges and successes – will help motivate you to take bold steps in creating positive change!
If you’re ready to maximize your post-divorce parenting experience,
I invite you to join me in this valuable new program!
For details about dates and time, send me an email
with your time-zone, Group preference and preferred day of the week
to:
Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com
For details about dates and time, send me an email
with your time-zone, Group preference and preferred day of the week
to:
Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Author Rosalind Sedacca wins 2008 Victorious Woman Award
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT was announced the first place inner of the 2008 Victorious Woman Award. The international competition was created by Annmarie Kelly, author of Victorious Woman! Shaping Life’s Challenges into Personal Victories. A panel of judges made the winning selections.
Sedacca is recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce and is the author of the new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Her winning essay was taken from the first chapter of her book in which she shares her personal story about the trauma of telling her eleven year old son that she was divorcing his father.
Sedacca came up with an innovative approach that more than a decade later she turned into an interactive ebook. What makes the book unique is that she doesn’t just tell parents what to say. She says it for them! Sedacca uses fill-in-the-blank, age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough “break-the-news” conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators and other professionals throughout the U.S. and other nations have endorsed the book, attesting to the value of her novel storybook concept. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children.
Sedacca, who has since remarried, is also the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network where parents can access her free articles, ezine, blog, as well as many valuable resources and services to help parents create a “child-centered divorce.”
“By preparing a storybook in advance, about your family with your family’s photos, parents give their children something to hold on to that reminds them that they are safe and loved. The storybook approach also eliminates the awkwardness of not knowing what to say,” Sedacca adds, “while you are confidently providing essential messages your children need to understand.”
Sedacca’s son, eleven at the time of the divorce, is now a veterinarian who recently got married. His moving Introduction to the book personally acknowledges the effectiveness of this unique approach to a tough conversation.
“One of the most gratifying moments in my life came when my son, as an adult, confided that he understood why his Dad and I divorced,” says Sedacca. “While he was very upset at the time, he said he could now see it was the right decision. He also thanked me for maintaining a positive interactive relationship with his Dad -- what I now refer to as a Child-Centered Divorce.”
Kelly is a speaker, trainer, founder and principal of SkillBuilder Systems. Her consulting company offers Victorious Woman Workshops, where she facilitates a process through which women learn how to choose and develop more satisfying and authentic lifestyles, beginning with awareness and progressing through actions that result in a victorious outcome.
“Many, many of us are more victorious than we, and the world, give us credit for being,” says Kelly who claims her own victories over early familial dysfunctions that included alcoholism and sibling abuse, teenage overweight that resulted in self-image issues and paralyzing shyness, as well as later financial devastation and emotional loss.
Kelly says the purpose of the Victorious Woman Award is to “support other women, fearful of the unknown, and encourage them to find the good that waits for them on the other side of surviving!” She can be contacted at www.victoriouswoman.com.
How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is available online as a downloadable ebook. It can also be purchased in CD format from attorneys, therapists and other professionals. To learn more visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Sedacca’s free ezine, articles, acclaimed blog, coaching services and resource pages can be found at: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. Reach Sedacca at: Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Sedacca is recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce and is the author of the new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Her winning essay was taken from the first chapter of her book in which she shares her personal story about the trauma of telling her eleven year old son that she was divorcing his father.
Sedacca came up with an innovative approach that more than a decade later she turned into an interactive ebook. What makes the book unique is that she doesn’t just tell parents what to say. She says it for them! Sedacca uses fill-in-the-blank, age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough “break-the-news” conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators and other professionals throughout the U.S. and other nations have endorsed the book, attesting to the value of her novel storybook concept. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children.
Sedacca, who has since remarried, is also the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network where parents can access her free articles, ezine, blog, as well as many valuable resources and services to help parents create a “child-centered divorce.”
“By preparing a storybook in advance, about your family with your family’s photos, parents give their children something to hold on to that reminds them that they are safe and loved. The storybook approach also eliminates the awkwardness of not knowing what to say,” Sedacca adds, “while you are confidently providing essential messages your children need to understand.”
Sedacca’s son, eleven at the time of the divorce, is now a veterinarian who recently got married. His moving Introduction to the book personally acknowledges the effectiveness of this unique approach to a tough conversation.
“One of the most gratifying moments in my life came when my son, as an adult, confided that he understood why his Dad and I divorced,” says Sedacca. “While he was very upset at the time, he said he could now see it was the right decision. He also thanked me for maintaining a positive interactive relationship with his Dad -- what I now refer to as a Child-Centered Divorce.”
Kelly is a speaker, trainer, founder and principal of SkillBuilder Systems. Her consulting company offers Victorious Woman Workshops, where she facilitates a process through which women learn how to choose and develop more satisfying and authentic lifestyles, beginning with awareness and progressing through actions that result in a victorious outcome.
“Many, many of us are more victorious than we, and the world, give us credit for being,” says Kelly who claims her own victories over early familial dysfunctions that included alcoholism and sibling abuse, teenage overweight that resulted in self-image issues and paralyzing shyness, as well as later financial devastation and emotional loss.
Kelly says the purpose of the Victorious Woman Award is to “support other women, fearful of the unknown, and encourage them to find the good that waits for them on the other side of surviving!” She can be contacted at www.victoriouswoman.com.
How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is available online as a downloadable ebook. It can also be purchased in CD format from attorneys, therapists and other professionals. To learn more visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Sedacca’s free ezine, articles, acclaimed blog, coaching services and resource pages can be found at: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. Reach Sedacca at: Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Acknowledged as one of Best Resources for Divorced Parents and Separated Families
I am honored to announce that my blog at www.childcentereddivorce.com has been included, and listed in first place, in the just released Best Resources for Divorced Parents and Separated Families.
The list was compiled by Life Coach Vanessa Van Petten and her team. It is posted on her popular blog, OnTeensToday.com.
Click here to see:
http://www.onteenstoday.com/2008/10/20/best-resources-for-divorced-parents-and-separated-families/
My new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is also included in her Best Divorce Books listing.
I hope you will visit this site and spread the word to your colleagues and clients. All of these pre-screened resources certainly deserve our attention and support.
To check out my blog and website, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
http://www.onteenstoday.com/2008/10/20/best-resources-for-divorced-parents-and-separated-families/
Best regards,
Rosalind
The list was compiled by Life Coach Vanessa Van Petten and her team. It is posted on her popular blog, OnTeensToday.com.
Click here to see:
http://www.onteenstoday.com/2008/10/20/best-resources-for-divorced-parents-and-separated-families/
My new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is also included in her Best Divorce Books listing.
I hope you will visit this site and spread the word to your colleagues and clients. All of these pre-screened resources certainly deserve our attention and support.
To check out my blog and website, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
http://www.onteenstoday.com/2008/10/20/best-resources-for-divorced-parents-and-separated-families/
Best regards,
Rosalind
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