Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Power of Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment, pain, hurt as well as thoughts of revenge. Forgiving doesn’t mean you are forgetting or denying the pain and hurt. It means you are releasing the grip it has over your life and focusing on more positive facets of life for your own well-being. Forgiving does not mean you deny the other person’s responsibility in hurting you, nor does it minimize it. We don’t forgive for the other person. We forgive because of the value it brings to us.

Through forgiveness you can better understand that no one is perfect -- that we all make mistakes. Forgiveness enables you to come to terms with your inner turmoil by letting go of the destructive thoughts you may be harboring inside – thoughts that cause you distress and discomfort. To forgive means you take back control of your life and dissolve the hateful thoughts that follow you wherever you go.

Here are some key points to understand about forgiveness and why all mental health practitioners consider it a major step forward in coping with life’s harshest experiences:

1. You forgive for its value to you – regardless of whether the other person “deserves” to be forgiven. It is about regaining your personal power.

2. You forgive because it feels better inside you. It also makes you “a bigger, better” person.

3. When you reach a state of forgiveness, you reduce the awkwardness of being together at gatherings -- relieving tension and uncomfortable moments. This can be especially valuable for family members after a divorce.

4. You experience a kind of emotional and spiritual peace and healing when you forgive. The offense loses its power over you and stops being the object of all your thoughts.

5. Forgiveness begins with a decision to stop harboring resentment and enables you to finally move on with your own life.

6. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It is not something you do for someone else. It is ultimately an internal decision and inner process.

7. With forgiveness, you give up playing the powerless role of victim.

8. An important step in the process of forgiveness is remembering the experience and seeking deeper understanding of its emotional impact on you. Then you decide to end the impact from a position of personal power!

9. The sense of personal power enables you to rise above the painful event and move it into your personal history, not part of your future life.

10. Through forgiveness, you become your own ally -- an agent of change in your own life. It introduces you to a new way of experiencing hurtful events without holding on to the pain.

11. Forgiveness begins when the victim starts to look at the accused as a fallible, imperfect human being who in many ways is not much different than him/herself.

12. The conscious act of forgiving will increase your self-esteem, reduce your anger and inhibit your anxiety.

For many, forgiveness is a process. You may not be able to totally let go today, but you can make that an intention and start in small ways. See how it feels to release the burden of resentment that you may be holding. Little by little you can free yourself of the weight of anger and experience the gift of peace and personal growth that comes with forgiveness!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Acclaimed by divorce professionals, the book provides fill-in-the-blank templates that guide parents in creating a family storybook with personal photographs as an ideal way to break the news. For more details, a free ezine, articles, coaching and other resources visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca All rights reserved.